I’ve been feeling pretty shit the past week or so. I’ve had a bad cold that just hasn’t budged. I’ve been blocked up and my voice has gone croaky and I just feel a little crazy. I know it’s this time of year, I know everyone is feeling the same. I have things arriving at my doorstep constantly: online shopping, PR deliveries, groceries. Love it all, appreciate it all. But it all needs putting away, or photographing or mentioning. I have three loads of washing that need folding that just keep relocating around the house. My floor is covered in pine needles. I love a real tree, but oh me oh my, the mess. I can’t keep up with anything creative when it comes to my Elf on the Shelf – I’m lucky if I remember to move him each night. One night I forgot and the kids spotted him before I could. Luckily Google helped me out when I searched “What to tell your kids if you forget to move your Elf on the Shelf”. My kitchen bench is in such a state of disarray that it seems easier right now to just ignore it than to try and sort through all the pieces of paper and tiny things that land here every single day.
I felt so bad the other day when I had a place to be, somewhere to go that meant I could drop my children off and not have to be a mama for a few hours in a row. I was so looking forward to it, and so happy to say goodbye for a bit, and then of course I felt guilty about feeling that way. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I’d be a better mama if I worked away from the home. If I didn’t get the chance to be frustrated by the little things they do because I would be so eager to see them after a busy day of being elsewhere? I just feel lately like all I do is shout. I am non-stop expressing disappointment in or dissatisfaction or frustration at these three beeeeeaaauuutiful babes of mine and it all comes out in such a flurry of annoyance. They are so young, they don’t understand everything I expect them to. I know that they aren’t trying to piss me off. I mean look at those faces. How can I get annoyed with them?
This morning I resolved to have a better day, with less raising of my voice and more praise for the things they do so well (which is a lot). More focus on the positive. I hate that I have to actually set this as a goal, but the truth is, it’s a reality right now for me and maybe it is for you too? I gotta tell you, I felt an incredible sense of satisfaction after I’d completed both drop offs by 8.50am, and realised I had gotten through the usual morning crazy with only calm in my voice. There was a bit of self high-fiving going on!
On the flip side of it all, my middle child is turning 5 in nine days time and while he is growing up so quick, he’s also still just so little and I tell myself over and over to cherish these years, even the tough moments because I will wish for all of this back one day in the not so distant future. When my hallways are silent and my bathroom is sparkling, I will wish for bickering in the bedrooms, I will mourn the hustle and bustle of toast on the floor and backpacks not packed in time to exit the house. I will want it alllllll back and it will be too late.
So if you’re struggling at the moment too, if you feel like those little monkeys don’t listen to a word you say, like everything is just too full on right now, like your house is a shambles … know that the holidays are coming, schedules will out the door for a few weeks and YAY, Daddy will be around with an extra pair of hands. Maybe you’ll even get a nap! (that’s what I’m hoping for!)
Hang in there mamas….. we’re all in this together. And if you don’t relate to any of what I’ve just shared, say a little prayer for me for extra doses of patience in the coming weeks. haha. I don’t recall feeling like this last year, but now I really do believe, Christmas chaos is a thing!