As a human, but especially as a woman, being ‘honest, up front and confident’ and ‘classy, kind and humble’ are not mutually exclusive. You can be both those groups of characteristics whilst remaining true to yourself. Something a certain member of the cast of this season’s Bachelor doesn’t seem to realise! Watching the circus that has played out at the conclusion of The Bachelor series over the past few days has had me thinking – a lot.
Sure, I chose to spend my precious time watching this trashy TV show. That is on me. But the way the national media has covered the post-show drama has meant poor people all over the country, without any desire, have been forced to witness the atrocity that is Naz Khanjani .
Last night at my monthly Cuisine Club, a gathering of six well-educated, classy and strong-minded females chatted animatedly through the final episode of the show and the tell-all event that followed. Even those amongst us who chose to spend their Monday and Tuesday’s more wisely (you might suggest!) than I, knew all the ins and outs thanks to the NZ Herald, TV 3’s Story and every single radio station in the country. The wake of The Bachelor 2016 has everyone rubbernecking like motorists witnessing a terrible motorway crash with no survivors – you should keep driving, but you can’t help turning around and staring, wishing you could somehow help.
I wish I could sit young Naz down and give her a few home truths about her behaviour because clearly no one did growing up and I can’t help wonder whether she would have behaved differently if her parents lived in NZ and were watching the show? You know what… all along I was convinced Naz was a plant – someone recruited for the show to give it some spice, add a little drama and basically to throw a cat amongst the pigeons. Every single week I was sure she’d be missing out on a rose – mostly because she was so rude and annoying and I didn’t believe Jordan could have in any way appreciated her interruption yet another time during the cocktail parties.
As the weeks progressed and it turned out she wasn’t going anywhere fast, and he appeared to be developing actual feelings for her, my opinion of him began to change significantly. That he could have narrowed his selection of what I thought this year was a pretty top notch group of ladies to Fleur (one of said top notch girls) and Naz – who couldn’t have been more different from Fleur if she’d tried, to me, said something about the legitimacy of his involvement in the show and his real intention on being The Bachelor.
His behaviour and dialogue since the show’s conclusion has confirmed he did it for a bit of press, he became the Bachelor to (as my Dad would say) “get his name in lights”. Sure the reality of life after a whirlwind of over-the-top-dating-scenarios would be hard to adjust to, and having not seen his chosen girl for 6 weeks would have been tough because everyone knows long distance relationships suck, but he didn’t even give it a chance.
I’ve no doubt you can develop feelings for more than one person at once, but I would have thought you’d be looking for qualities in a potential life partner that were non-negotiables and that because of these, there would be some degree of cross-over in the two women for whom you’re falling. The only thing the two final contestants had in common (and I’m in no way intending to be crass here) was their large bosom – one set real, one set fake. Which pretty much sums the whole thing up right?!
Taking it back to my earlier point, as women we speak so much about the importance of raising each other up, supporting one another even if our beliefs are different. We talk about how important it is to raise daughters with strong personalities, but who are considerate and kind and caring. As a society we hear constantly how necessary it is to embrace difference and to try and learn from what others can teach us. I found everything about Naz to fly in the face of all of those things and because of that, it concerns me how much press, attention and time in the spotlight she is getting. Why do we want to glorify her behaviour? Why do we want to encourage her antics and allow our young women to see all that we’d hope they never become? Why do we want her to think that she can talk and behave in the ways that she has and that in doing so she gains fame, she gains endorsement, she makes money, she succeeds. I find that sad. I find it a sad reflection of our society. I find it sad that our media’s priority is this trainwreck of a story and not more important things that are going on in our communities and country. More than sad, it’s a little disheartening don’t you think?
And so, because I want to raise a daughter who is everything that Naz is not, and instead the way Cinderella’s mama suggested a lady to be (have courage & be kind), I leave you with one final thought:
Did you watch it? What do you think? I’m surprised that a lot of people love Naz. I truly am.
* rose image source