I’ve been 40 for exactly three months and as you probably have guessed, it doesn’t feel that different from being 39. Except that it does. Physically I feel exactly the same as I did before, but mentally, there’s definitely been some shifts. I find myself thinking about my mortality a lot more. I find myself thinking about what’s really important in this life more than before. Some of that could have something to do with losing a family member earlier this month, but lots of it is to do with getting closer to that ‘golden age’ myself. I feel like I’m counting down now, rather than heading towards the midway point, which is crazy given that all my grandparents are still alive at ages 97, almost 90 and 88 and my Pop passed away aged 89. Longevity is hopefully on my side which means I’m not actually even half way but I’m more conscious of it than ever before.
Losing ones youth is a funny feeling and I think that’s the feeling I’m experiencing. For so much of life we look forward, we want to ‘be’ in a certain place. I’m here. I’m doing it. And yet in that very realisation I’m noticing loss. Loss of physicality that I once took for granted. Loss of elasticity. Loss of youth in lots of little ways. Like I said, it’s a funny feeling.
I feel proud of what I’ve achieved and lived and experienced in my forty years on earth. I feel an extreme amount of gratitude for what I have in my life. The real and honest love of a wonderful man, the contagious joy and intrigue of three beautiful children and a tiny little angel in heaven. And I feel genuine excitement for what is still to come – you know, more wrinkles, creaky bones and grandchildren.
I celebrated my fortieth in the company of ten beautiful women I am blessed to call friends. Some of my oldest friends weren’t able to make the occasion due to distance or the fact that it was just two weeks before Christmas, but I was grateful ten were with me to lunch at The Tasting Shed in Kumeu. As a venue it could not have been more perfect. It was a drizzly day but we didn’t care. We were chauffeured to the restaurant, we sat in the covered cabana, overlooking the immaculate garden and nibbled on truly exquisite food and enjoyed truly delicious wine. Perfect!
Usually one for a party, I opted for a much more low key celebration for this milestone. I don’t know if that was because age is taming me (!) or because I just wanted to reflect and savour, rather than drink and forget? Either way, it was wonderful and I thank you beauties for being with me to tick off the big 4-0.
Here’s to the next forty – full of love, hope, joy and laughter.